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11 February 2007 @ 10:10 am
Well, I'd like to start off by saying I'm home! well... sort of. Ok, so I'm still in P-ville, and things are pretty much the same as they were on the outside. I've just felt mentally and emotionally removed for so long, secluded in a little watery shell like a clam. I've had such a horrible blockage of direction, indentity, and flow of Self. The months of Nov. - Jan. were rough. Everything was going shitty at Penney's. I was getting so tired of driving 35 mins. each way to get treated like crap by customers, supervisors, and the system in general. I was tired of demands not being met, and spending more money on gas than I was making. I was tired of feeling like my life was going nowhere and my spirit was being crushed like broken eggshells beneath the feet of an elephant. I needed to be creative and to have some type of creative outlet. I laughed at the Snagajob.com commercials where ya see all these people doing something totally wrong for their personalities and such because that's *exactly* how I felt. No longer is my mind consumed with the latest sales or fall and winter catalog ideas. I guess it boils down to this simple equation.

[(Retail + underpayed)^suck] + [loooooonnnnggg gas guzzling drives(no free time^broken friendships)] = not for Tiff

It also didn't help that my JCP sanity builder was away in a forigen land! you silly wanker! I missed you damnit!
Once I realized that, it was off on a journey to rediscover Tiff. I felt like it was trying to discover the lost ruins of Atlantis... But recently it's been coming back to me. The art within me is begining to flow! Huzzah! no.. literally... art... it's cool! I'm not just being philosophical and metaphorical like I usually am. My parents got me this kick ass easle and paint set, and it took me about a month to really start into it, but I'm loving it now! I've been in a super artsy mood lately.... it makes me miss coffeehouse nights. :.( Speaking of Coffeehouses... RYAN! CHECK YOUR EMAIL!!! RAWR!!! I'm thinking about going into the Culinary Arts program up here at Rend Lake. I really want to do the whole Internet Cafe thing... That's a definate goal of mine. perhaps one day it could blossom into a Winery/Resturant... but yeah. I'll post more about this as things progress and develop.

WoW news? well... I *did* get the expansion.. but ya know, I do realize that there is more out there than just the whole MMORPG scene. However, my love of a fantasy world and geekdom will forever stay with me and continue to leave a mark, just as it has with *all* geeks out there. I will *never* lose that sense of imagination, but that will be the pinacle of inspiration for lifetimes. I will always belive in Dragons, Wizard towers, Epic Battles, Magic, and lvl 60 wtfpwnurface pallys in Stormwind. A priest will be more than a guy in a Catholic Church. I will take it with me rather than have it completely suck me in. Well, I do want to head down to C'dale today in preparation of Valentine's Day, so I may try to contact some of you back home. but until then, I miss ya all, and we're all gonna get together asap!

-Tiff : D
Current Location: Still in P'ville
Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: Ladytron and Gackt
06 August 2006 @ 11:08 am
*falls off face of earth*

blah.... that's all I have to say.
25 July 2006 @ 02:38 am
alright... first time updating in over a month. wow. I've really been out of touch with a lot of the world. it's been different up here in P'ville. I'm enjoying it for the most part. some setbacks have occured.

one of those setback has been the ass-plosion of my dear compy. the cooling fan died on it. the damn thing overheated and fried my CPU. ugh. had to order a new mobo and processer. I also decided to get a new video card. and since the mobo doesn't like my RAM, had to get a new stick. plus, I needed a new fan and the list goes on... so yeah. I'm on my way to just building my own new compy.

about a week after my compy died, I cracked the head gasket on my poor old probe. my dad's in the process of fixing it, but it's still a pain. plus, jeremiah's parents have to get rid of their van for whatever reason. the bad thing is that we've been using it to get back and forth to c'dale since my car's been poo. we've both been stressed out over it. his 'rents said that they had some money saved up and will be getting another check for once again, whatever reason, so there may be a chance of us both going together on a car. woah. big step. I should be getting insurance money from the rear ending that occured about 2 1/2 weeks before my car overheated. I'm also thinking about selling my POS Probe. who knows though...

I've been working my ass off to get some money to pay for all these expenses. that's never fun either. 9hr shifts back there in the catalog dept. aren't fun. that place is a lot more work than people give it credit for. I'm on constant multi-task back there, and I don't get the luxury of roaming around a department or even around the entire store like some people. I've also been working on finding jeremiah a job. he's gotten close with the deal over in the optical department at Penney's. there's also wal-mart in marion. heh. it's hard working to semi-support 2 people, but I can't really say much. jeremiah was working a *ton* more than I work now when we first got together. things are much more serious now and we actually have.... *gasp* responsibilities! zOMG! credit card bills, verizon bills, car replacement thing, gas expenses. *sigh* life's not easy. I'm also sorry if our setbacks have affected our friendships with people.

and no.. there is no way in hell I'm moving back in with my parents. I can't *stand* to be there. that household is pretty much non-existant now. they've let the place go so badly. it's filthy in there... disorganized, unkempt, and just lacking in hospitality. oh well. here in P'ville, I feel so welcomed and wanted. jeremiah's family treats me more like family than my own family. it's a great feeling. his nieces love me, his parents treat better and trust me more than their own daughter.(sad, but true... if you've met or heard about Rhonda you'd understand) it gives me a happy feeling inside.

on other topics, my best friend(at least who I considered to be my best time for many many years) just told me she's engaged. yep. teeny doll is gettin married to joshua. ahe called me on my way home from work last week. it's kinda bittersweet. I know I'm not getting invited to her wedding. it'll be at her church which I'm not allowed in. I'm very happy for her though. oh well.

anyways, it's about time for me to get some sleep. I have to get up early tomorrow. see ya guys!
Current Location: Pville
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: Stepmania music in the backgroud while jeremiah's playing
17 June 2006 @ 03:17 pm
I'd like to start by saying... happy birthday jeremiah! you're 19 now! whoo! the birthday party thing was pretty cool aside from the random trip to STL that turned me into an emo kid. yeah. I'm dumb sometimes.

yeah, so things have been great still. jeremiah and I moved into his 'rents house in p'ville b/c of problems with the house(aka: cracked water pipe running below his floor causing all kinds of problems, as well as other bad things) and minor annoyances/disputes with britt. I love jeremiah's parents. they feel like a second family already. his nieces are cool too... sometimes *very* loud, but sweet nonetheless. things haven't been better. jeremiah and I are planning to save up some cash and just move out to a nicer place of our own.

life really is grand though. :)
Current Location: working at JCPenney
Current Mood: happyhappy
27 May 2006 @ 05:31 pm
alright, things are still good, but I worry about one thing. I'm worried about jeremiah. I still worry if this is really what he wants and needs now. I worry about supplanting him too early. it hit me today that maybe he really might not be ready for this. I just feel like I'm putting too much weight on his shoulders and hitting him with too much too soon. it's been a crazy whirwind of change over the past 6 months for us both. I remeber feeling like there was no way in hell I was ever gonna be in a serious relationship anytime soon. I had no job and felt so worthless. I was still very jaded. but I took a chance and now I feel more loved than I ever have been in my entire life. I just don't want things to happen too fast and overwhelm us both. however, I do remember those times in the beginning when everything just hit at once. it was that moment when I let go of the inhibitions and fears when I realized how great of a guy jeremiah is. I let go of the societal norms of when and how soon to get into a serious relationship again.... and look at things now. maybe it'll be like that again. but then there's once again those doubts saying "... this isn't normal. this is too soon. he might not be fully ready. this isn't fair to his friends and family. you're being selfish. you're being too overbearing." I want 'em to go away again. I want things to continue to be amazing and awesome. I don't want to mask any legitimate concerns, but I don't want those irrational fears to control my fate... our fate. I want him to be happy. I want us to be succesful in every aspect. I want jeremiah to find a job down here and get a running car of his own. I want so much now... I just hope I'm not building up a tall tower on a small foundation. I don't want to see these wants, hopes, and dreams crumble and fall. jeremiah, I want to know that these cake pillars we are about to add can hold up this 2nd tier. I also want to make sure these pillars can hold up the top tier as well. I want to eat that sweet sweet cake one day.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
26 May 2006 @ 04:01 pm
so I've moved out. it's been beyond nice so far. britt has been cool about jeremiah... actually, she said he can move in. I'mso thrilled about that. I know a couple people have expr worried about the whole moving in together thing, but I'm certain everything will work out great. my life just seems to be falling so well into place. I no longer feel like such a scared, insecure child. I no longer feel so burdened by the expectations of others, and I no longer fear dissapointing others, especially my family. I'm beginning to fully realize that this is *my* life. I've grown up a lot, matured a lot, and now I'm starting to see the fruits of that budding out. I'm very commited to my wonderful jeremiah, and I want to see things work out for the very best for both of us. It's scary yet wonderfully thrilling to know that things have gotten to quite a deep level. I feel I understand him so well. I see so much of myself within him and I know he feels the same. there is so much more to us that only jeremiah and I understand as well. I love him so much, and I wanna keep it that way for as long as I can fathom. I'm glad I've got a very good job that I actually enjoy. I have the ability to sustain myself for now. yeah, I'm still a poor lil' n00b at this game called life, but life is great now. I'm loving every moment of it.
Current Mood: lovedloved
01 May 2006 @ 03:30 pm
another post... I went down and paid off my fines in Vienna and met Britt G to look at the apartment. I decided that I am indeed gonna move in with her down there. yeah.. I know.. 35-40 min. commute to work and everything, but I think that's worth my sanity. plus, it'll be just nice to get out and live away from home. there's a lot of work that needs to be done on the appartment, but hell, I've redone worse.

rent is dirt cheap. $175 for the both of us. I'm guessing that internet and just having a phone hook up will be around $40. water, trash, and electricity are included primarily because it's on top of a dry cleaner place. gas will be a hassle, but I figured it to be around $30 a week if prices stay how they are. I spend about that much anyways just getting away from my 'rents and house. I might even get another job down there. who knows...

I just need some time to get myself independent. I know school will have to be put off, but I was kinda planning that anyways. I'm too burnt out and it's too expensive. I don't feel like getting into debt over it when I don't even know what I'm really there for. also, britt is encouraging me to get involved with her church and stuff. that could be good. I'm gonna do it. I'm 20 years old. less than a year til 21. it's about time. I will get paid on the 12th. I've got all my fines payed off. so yeah... freedom.

to jeremiah... we can survive this. I want to. it will be harder on the both of us, but I believe that we are strong. my hope is that our love and commitment will reflect that strength during the trials. I look back at my sister and her husband. she lived in chicago while he was here at SIU for a year. they're now happily married. I will be up in Carbondale all the time as well. we can work this out. also, it will give us both time to prepare mentally, fiscally, emotionally, and spiritually(well, moreso me on that last one.. dunno how much spiritual preparation you're gonna be doing). but I love you... love is sacrifice. we will have a place where you can be comfortable staying over at and doing pretty much anything. and if things get too rough, we will adapt.

anyways... I hope for the best on this.
Current Mood: excitedexcited
01 May 2006 @ 11:29 am
UGH.... I can't stand getting treated like I'm once again 16 years old going over that whole "you follow MY rules under MY roof." bit again. I also can't believe that I'm getting bitched at for not having my room cleaned. she doesn't even keep the fucking rest of the house clean, and her room is trashed most of the time as well. the hypocracy is crazy. also saying that I need to get up a "do something around this house" is utter bullshit. I *DO* things around the house... I also work and have my *OWN* schedual.. because I'm my *OWN* person... I hate friggin dealing with this every gawd damn day I wake up. I hate waking up to that anxious hey I wanna kick her ass or hey I wanna run away and get the fuck outta here never ever to return feeling. it's so silly and so stupid, but I just wanna feel and be treated like I'm a RESPECTED adult. not trash to be walked all over and put down. I also hate having to live on her schedual. if I don't wanna wake up until a half hr before I leave for class or something, I shouldn't have to. if I want to stay up or be out until 4am, I should be able to. I have that freedom. I am an adult. ya know, I'm working and saving money to move out... which also means no college for a bit. I've already decided that. I've come to this conclusion more than once before. there's a real chance of it happening, unless for some reason I get my job at Penny's replaced by some illegal cheap mexican whore like what happened at Sergio's. somehow I just don't see that going down. but yeah... moving out... it's gonna happen. hell, I might be with britt g. until jeremiah and I can get something together. blah... anyways. I hate this. I hate feeling this pissed off. I spent over an hr. cooling down over this with jeremiah last night. I didn't really wanna wake up to it this morning. I did my own damn laundry with my own detergent last night.... guess what happened? she fucking mixed up all of my shit in the load that I did, washed and dryed, with her shit... so guess who gets to sort laundry this morning... a VERY pissed off Tiffany. ugh... alright. that's enough. I'm done.

/3 White, non-single female, 20, LFM Roommates. pst asap.
Current Mood: infuriatedinfuriated
29 April 2006 @ 04:05 pm
rawr. I'm at work now. it's boring. I'm here 2-close...ick. it's actually been going by pretty quickly and whatnot... I think my WoW acct. expires tonight. jeremiah, if you read this, can you check and call me around 5ish? thanks! tomorrow I wanna go someplace. things have just been a bit boring. still enjoyable, but a bit boring. oh well. anyways, back to work.


rawr again. I got in trouble for taking too long on my break. thanks ryan..... geeze! jk. jeff's just dumb. today's been a very non-conventional day. I'm probably gonna get in trouble for being on here. anyways, tomorrow's hang out plans might consist of diceless rpg action. kewl. ok. bye
Current Location: JCPennys, Carbondale, IL
Current Mood: workingworking
26 April 2006 @ 08:21 am
lotsa deep thoughts lately... this is indeed a rediscovering period of my life. it's almost like my internal "clay" is at the right consistancy to be shaped and formed. my personality, moods, goals, wants, and needs feel like their stabling off. I think it's this thing called maturity. heh. it honestly felt like for awhile, I was regressing. I didn't wanna be one of the creepy people living at home still in their 30's or something. I already feel ick for being at home at the age of 20. that's gonna change... and soon, I hope. the prospect of moving down to Vienna w/ britt g. is still out there. I know it'll be a strain on jeremiah and I, but I think it'll do me good. I'm so glad of what britt's accomplished so far. I was so fearful when she left that she'd come back somehow worse, not in any normal delinquency way, but in a self-righteous condemning attitude. she actually appologized the other day about a contriversial statement she'd made against my relationship with jeremiah when she had gotten back from Michigan. it was something little, and something that I think I just took the wrong way... I see in her a true concern and wellbeing for others. not a "hey I want domination and power over everyone" which is ironic..... brittany used to be *very* manipulative in her "bad girl" days or whatever you wanna call 'em.(we've mostly all had 'em in some manifestation.) she just had ways of getting people to do what she wanted them to do. usually it was for the worst.. like almost getting us caught for almost stealing stuff from Kroger. ugh! stuff I knew better to do, but yeah. I'm glad the influencing is hopefully now to seek the ultimate Good, which is God. that means humbleness rather than self-seeking self-righteousness. anyways, my rant for the morning!

oh yeah... quiz for all who are wondering about my religious affiliation, although this description doesn't do it anywhere near the amount of justice it should. it doesn't reflect the true and ecclectic nature of my beliefs. each of us has our own story and moment of revelation. those things are kinda hard to put into perspective.. however, this chart is rather close in the percentage area. :)
You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian.

Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins.




















Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
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Current Mood: pensivepensive